Dr. Deb

Dear Dr. Deb,

I previously liked a guy on campus and we were talking for a couple of days. I told him how I felt about people who play games with me. He has not talked to me since that day. I feel I chased him away. Was it a good idea to be honest with him even if we did not spend a lot of time talking?

Sincerely,

Hopelessly Romantic           

Dear Hopelessly Romantic,

I am sorry to hear that the guy you liked has not talked to you. This can be very painful and confusing. However, I do not think that you did anything wrong by letting him know that you do not like people who play games. Your honesty should have served as a warning rather than as an invitation. He is playing games with you by not talking to you regardless of whether it is because you were honest with him. It may sound cliché but, if you are interested in someone who does not reciprocate your interest for whatever reason, then they may not be interested or have issues of their own. Honestly, you deserve better.

Dear Dr. Deb,

I am in a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend but we have engaged in unprotected sex a few times. I want us both to get tested. How do I bring it up without her suspecting anything or leaving me?

Thanks,

Unsure & Unsafe

Dear Unsure and Unsafe,

It is certainly difficult to ask a partner to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases but it is necessary in order to ensure that you both are safe and healthy. You can let your girlfriend know that you are going to get tested and would like to do so together.  Let her know that you care about her and just want to make sure that both of you are healthy. You also may want to tell her that you make a routine practice of getting tested so she does not feel that this is specific to her.

Getting tested is not a matter of trust but rather a matter of life and death, made clear by these shocking statistics (http://www.nursingschools.net/blog/2010/05/10-truly-shocking-stats-on-stds-and-college-students):

1)One in four college students have a sexually transmitted disease.

2)Only 54 percent of students regularly use condoms during vaginal intercourse, 29 percent during anal intercourse and only 4 percent during oral sex.

3)Overall, the Center for Disease Control estimates that 19 million new sexually transmitted infections occur each year, almost half among 15- to      24-year-olds.

4)80% of people who have a sexually transmitted disease experience no noticeable symptoms.

5)HPV is the number one sexually-transmitted disease on college campuses.

If these attempts and statistics do not convince her to get tested, then she may already have a sexually transmitted disease or she may not care enough about your health and well-being to get tested. Whatever the case may be, I recommend that you get tested and live your life without her as this will ensure your emotional and physical health.

Dear Dr. Deb,

I have typically been a student in good academic standing but I have come to a point where I have NO MOTIVATION or WILL to do work. I am just OVER IT!  What can I do to get out of this slump before it's too late?

Help,

Seriously Slumped

Dear Seriously Slumped,

With finals approaching and the semester coming to a close, it is important to reignite that energy that has kept you in good academic standing.  According to the U.S. Department of Education, nearly 50% of students who enter a four-year college do not graduate (http://www.collegetidbits.com/college-life/College-Life-Keeping-Motivation-Alive-In-College.html). A lack of motivation in college is a common concern but it often can be rectified with a few simple tips:

1)Write down goals for your college career and your future. This can be very motivating and help you maintain your momentum as you work to     ward accomplishing these goals.

2)When you are overwhelmed with coursework, break each assignment into small, achievable tasks so you feel a sense of accomplishment as you complete each step of the assignment.

3)Maintain proper nutrition and get a good night's sleep because poor nutrition and a lack of sleep can be contributors to a decrease in motivation.

4)Incorporate exercise into your weekly schedule as this will help you feel more energized.

5)Be sure to include some hobbies and favorite activities in your schedule to give you a break from studying.

6)Remember to designate some time for yourself every day (i.e., yoga, meditation, reflection, going for a walk) to refresh your mind and spirit.

If you find that you are still having a tough time getting motivated to study and complete coursework, then please contact the Student Counseling Center at 516-876-3053 for additional help.

Dr. Deb is an educational psychologist who received her doctorate from UCLA. She can be heard live on Awareness Avenue every Wednesday from 3 to 5pm on OWWR.  She also can be seen on Awareness Avenue every Monday at 9 pm on Cablevision Channel 20.  If you have any questions or issues for Dr. Deb, please send them to awarenessavenue@gmail.com.