Joey Diaz's "Testicle Testaments"

Joey Diaz says the day he went to prison was the best and worst day of his life. Thirty years later this monstrous comedic presence is revisiting his criminal past on stage and releasing these performances on ITunes. Every month he puts out a new volume to the comedy album series he calls the "Testicle  Testaments."

The name "Testicle Testaments" came from his frustration of there not being a "Vagina Monologues" for men. To him, this is the male counterpart to the popular book and play. In each volume he strays from the typical formula of setup and punch line and focuses more on the details of his old lifestyle.  Joey's stage presence is that of a story telling muse who puts stage 2 at the Pasadena Ice House Comedy Club in a trance. The "Testicle Testaments" are the best comedy albums to feature more quiet than laughter from the audience.

Volume one focuses on the kidnapping of a drug dealer named Vella. Joey's plan was to keep the money in his pocket, steal the blow and then scare Vella out of Boulder, Colorado. He would have gotten away with it too had the driver he left in charge of tossing Vella in the trunk  put on his headlights on the way to the airport. After getting pulled over for something so routine, the cop heard the mumbling in the trunk. Both Vella and the driver told the police that Joey had all the coke. He got in the most trouble because he was a victim of the times. It was Ronald Reagan's America which placed a heavy emphasis on its war on drugs.

A point Joey touched on a lot was how arrogant he was in his youth.  Joey got away with many crimes before this and was convinced he'd get away with this too after finding out the police were after him. When he brought himself to the police station he was sure he'd make it back in time to see Don Johnson's wedding on Miami Vice. "Don't worry about it" Joey recalls telling his then girlfriend. "I'll tell em' something and be out before the wedding."

Once Joey walked in to the Colorado Police Station,  nineteen cops pointed their guns and threw him to the floor. He was arrested for kidnapping one, kidnapping two, aggravated robbery, accessory to a felony, and a crime of violence. The suit he bought for the Miami Vice wedding never had the chance to be worn that night.

After being sentenced, Joey pleaded to the judge for two days to "get things together" as if he were Ray Liotta. Instead of relying on record labels, Tonight Shows and luck, he just throws his material on ITunes and lets his talent do all the work. Joey and many comics like him have taken destiny in to their own hands and gone from relative unknowns to headlining comics quicker than in the days of Johnny Carson's Tonight Show. But there isn't a late night show long enough which can do justice to Joey Diaz's unique story.